Have you ever heard the term self care and wondered what it’s actually meant to mean?
Is it lighting a candle. Going for a run. Talking to someone. Withdrawing. Pushing through. Doing nothing.
Is self care something you do, something you feel, or something you’re supposed to be good at?
Does it look the same for everyone, or completely different depending on the person, the day, or the season of life?
Do I need to add something? Change the way I think? Act differently? Feel calmer?
Why does one person swear by it, while another feels more pressure the moment it’s mentioned?
Who decided what counts as self care anyway?
And why does lighting a candle sometimes sound… beside the point?
This page is for people who ask these questions and want to understand more.
For those who sense that self care isn’t always as simple as it’s sometimes made out to be.
You don’t need to see yourself as unwell, stuck, or in need of help for this to be worth defining.
There’s no expectation to fix yourself, improve who you are, or perform self care any differently than you already do.
This is simply a way to slow the concept down, expand awareness, and understand what self care is actually pointing to.
So the next time you hear the term used loosely, you’re able to pause, reflect, and decide what is genuinely needed for you, rather than automatically adopting what’s being suggested.
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The self is simply you, the person living your life.
The one who thinks, feels, decides, works, loves, worries, persists, and adapts.
Not a problem to fix. Not a project to improve. Just a person moving through life as it is.
Care
Care means paying attention and responding in ways that support a life being lived.
It’s not about indulgence or comfort.
It’s about maintaining what allows you to function, adjust, and remain intact over time.
Self care
Self care is how you pay attention to yourself and respond in ways that allow you to keep living your life
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What works for one person may not work for another, and what works today may not be suitable tomorrow.
Our roles, responsibilities, relationships, health, culture, resources and surroundings all influence what is possible and what matters.
For someone, self care might involve maintaining a routine. For another, it might mean stepping away from one.
Sometimes it requires effort and persistence. Other times, rest, support or acceptance.
The same action can serve different purposes depending on the person and their circumstances.
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Life is constantly changing, even when those changes are barely noticeable.
We grow, age, learn, develop relationships, take on responsibilities and encounter circumstances we may not have anticipated.
Some changes bring opportunities, satisfaction and growth. Others bring limitations, uncertainty or loss.
What once supported us may no longer fit, while something previously unimportant may become essential.
Understanding our needs and circumstances helps us recognise these shifts and consider how we want to respond.
Not every change requires action. Sometimes recognising what has changed is enough to bring a different perspective.
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Our thoughts, feelings, actions and circumstances continually influence one another. Over time, these interactions can create patterns that support us, sustain us or place increasing demands on us.
The cycle offers four ways to explore these patterns:
Awareness: Noticing what is happening within and around us.
Responsibility: Recognising what we can influence, what belongs to others and what may be beyond our control.
Regulation: How we manage and respond to our experiences and the demands of life.
Adjustment: Recognising when to maintain, adapt, change or accept things as they are.
These processes interact rather than follow a fixed order. Sometimes they help life flow more easily. Other times they reveal where we are experiencing resistance, strain or competing needs.
Ultimately, the question is not whether we are doing self care correctly, but:
Is the way I'm living supporting me, sustaining me, or gradually costing me more than I can manage?